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A smoke for spite

19 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2462

Hi Lady, I know, I know and I'm sorry. I couldn't log on and I couldn't call you under the circumstances. You are right, I did lose my mind. It was one of those awful fights, he had been drinking and when he drinks everything in the past comes out and all the buttons get pushed. When I went to bed, I was so angry at him and angry at myself for allowing myself to get pushed so far. Please believe me that it had nothing to do with wanting to smoke. It was a way to get back at him, but in the process, I hurt myself. I know that. I'm sorry. Rusty

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$59,373.60

Amount Saved
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Days: 714 Hours: 10

Minutes: 14 Seconds: 32

Life Gained
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5709

Smoke Free Days
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228,360

Cigarettes Not Smoked

19 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2462

In a blind rage last night, I picked up one of my husband's cigarettes and lit it. I was the one to break my own rule: don't let any person, situation or circumstance come between you and your quit. Well, I did. [b]It had nothing to do with a crave.[/b] I didn't even want it. In my extreme emotional state, I felt like I had to make a point and unfortunately that's what I chose. It related to the argument though. Once again, my husband threw into my face how miserable he is now that I've quit smoking. No, he didn't make me pick up the cigarette. I did that all by myself. I smoked about a third of it and then he started begging me to put it out, to not be stupid. So I did and then I went to bed and we haven't spoken since. My point in telling you this is not to confess. I haven't gone back to smoking and I won't. I don't even feel that guilty. It is simply to say once again, don't let any person, circumstance or situation come between you and your quit. It's not worth it. Rusty [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/13/2004 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 431 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 12,083 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1508.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 59 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 47 [B]Seconds:[/B] 15

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$59,373.60

Amount Saved
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Days: 714 Hours: 10

Minutes: 14 Seconds: 32

Life Gained
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5709

Smoke Free Days
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228,360

Cigarettes Not Smoked

19 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2462

You guys are really smart. I guess that's why I love you and love this site so much. Snickerdoodle, Shevie,oinkoink and ntk and missyfit, thank you for getting it and as always, for your support. You're right, I really did want my post to be a learning opportunity for anyone who can get anything from it. And you are also right...I need a plan for mate hate days! Joe, thank you. You are wise and intuitive. I gotta go do my punishment with Leslie now. :) Rusty

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$59,373.60

Amount Saved
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Days: 714 Hours: 10

Minutes: 14 Seconds: 32

Life Gained
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5709

Smoke Free Days
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228,360

Cigarettes Not Smoked

19 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2462

Cuddles, thank you so much for bumping the "quotes" post...all things I needed to be reminded of. Look at your six days...you go! Avalleymom, what a treat and a blessing to hear from you on high. Thank you so much for peaking in with your hug. Can you all tell that I'm staying pretty close today? I love you all so much. Rusty ;)

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$59,373.60

Amount Saved
Quit Meter

Days: 714 Hours: 10

Minutes: 14 Seconds: 32

Life Gained
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5709

Smoke Free Days
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228,360

Cigarettes Not Smoked

19 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2462

Thank you, Melanie, Pam, Bob and Roxanne. The hugs are just what I needed. :)

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$59,373.60

Amount Saved
Quit Meter

Days: 714 Hours: 10

Minutes: 14 Seconds: 32

Life Gained
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5709

Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter

228,360

Cigarettes Not Smoked

19 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2462

Everything is fine now. I'm sorry I broke everyone's heart and sent you into a tail spin. As I've tried to explain, I did not lose my quit. I lit the cigarette for dramatic effect. There was never any threat to my quit. Please, it's time to move on now and help the new folks and those who are struggling who really need the help right now. Thanks again everybody for the care and love and hugs. I do love you all. Rusty [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/13/2004 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 433 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 12,147 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1515.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 59 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 16 [B]Seconds:[/B] 21

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$59,373.60

Amount Saved
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Days: 714 Hours: 10

Minutes: 14 Seconds: 32

Life Gained
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5709

Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter

228,360

Cigarettes Not Smoked

19 years ago 0 +0 / -0 382

Dearest Rusty, I've been away for a while and could not believe the title of your post! I read it and felt so bad for you. It must have been a terrible experience. I'm glad you feel OK now. Believe me Lady, you won the war with yourself and that is the only thing that matters! You had the strength to continue. I'm so impressed with the courage you had to tell us all, (as I'm sure it is something many of us will remember, and could help usd in the future,) but you have been strong from the start of this quit, and you will continue. Love you friend........Lolly. :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 11/25/2004 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 481 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 16,851 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �2405 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 66 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 46 [B]Seconds:[/B] 2

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$11,962.00

Amount Saved
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Days: 828 Hours: 2

Minutes: 4 Seconds: 14

Life Gained
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5981

Smoke Free Days
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119,620

Cigarettes Not Smoked

19 years ago 0 +0 / -0 44

Rusty, sending you a hug from up North. I watched your quit from day one and it is still a thing of beauty. Take good care of it. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/24/2004 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 481 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 12,041 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $4930.25 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 46 [B]Hrs:[/B] 21 [B]Mins:[/B] 59 [B]Seconds:[/B] 42

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$38,178.00

Amount Saved
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Days: 804 Hours: 5

Minutes: 21 Seconds: 43

Life Gained
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6060

Smoke Free Days
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90,900

Cigarettes Not Smoked

19 years ago 0 +0 / -0 763

Rusty....be careful here that you don't pass this off as being the fault of your hubby??? although he made you mad as hell, it is your addiction....deep inside....rearing it's ugly head....taking over and lighting that cigarette. no one else 'makes' us light up. Situations of extreme stress can work as triggers for a long time. You need a plan to 'walk' before you let that junky in you 'talk'?? (((hugs))) Be on guard least the beast try a followup trick. katy [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/4/2002 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1505 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 60,237 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $8277.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 196 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 17 [B]Seconds:[/B] 44

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$160,485.50

Amount Saved
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Days: 5980 Hours: 21

Minutes: 4 Seconds: 18

Life Gained
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45853

Smoke Free Days
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917,060

Cigarettes Not Smoked

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A smoke for spite