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The Patchwork Quilt of Addiction

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2025-06-29 5:59 PM

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2025-02-20 12:27 PM

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Lady
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Lady
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18 years ago 0 5195 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
You know, recently I finally figured out that smoking or not smoking was not the issue I was battling with in my life. The issue I was battling with was me. You appear to be doing the same thing Pam. I use wondered if smoking again would make me feel better, make me less lonely, make my life somehow more content like it use to be. But then deep down inside I knew that my life really wasn't any better when I smoked. I just hid behind the smoke screen. It takes a lot of courage to quit smoking. I think it takes even more to find out who we really are and what it takes to get to know and accept that new non-smoking person that we become when we quit. There are people that would give anything to be where you are. You are free to choose. If you really stop and think about it, I'm sure you will realize just how insane this thinking is. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 499 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 9,997 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1746.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 44 [B]Hrs:[/B] 1 [B]Mins:[/B] 15 [B]Seconds:[/B] 58
flatlander
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flatlander
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18 years ago 0 112 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Pam. I used to be a 29 year old smoker. I quit a few times in my teens and 20's -- nothing stuck. I quit a few times in my 30's too and those were lame as well. Then one day, I was a 40 year old smoker who had been smoking for 25 years. In a blink of an eye, I had smoked for 25 years. The last few years of smoking, I would think about my death from the darts every night when I went to bed. My constant companion would eventually kill me. I believe I enjoyed smoking and I still think about smoking everyday. I wish I could smoke, that smoking wasn't so horrible and deadly 'cause a nice social butt might be pleasant. Reality is though that if I smoke one, I'm back at it and I will die with one in my face. So will you girl. We have a big Hallowe'en costume bash every year. It's becoming legendary and with almost 50 people in my house this year, only 4 were smokers. I put out an ashtray but their shame took them outside. Pam, you are the person with the NOPE bracelet. You are the person who reminds us that one will be our downfall. Go ahead and smoke if you want to. Remember though that you don't need to. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 6/6/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 524 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 9,448 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $3772.8 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 48 [B]Hrs:[/B] 13 [B]Mins:[/B] 39 [B]Seconds:[/B] 28
Shevie
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Shevie
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18 years ago 0 2027 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
So, you aren�t happy with how this quit is turning out and want to relapse so you can try again later thinking you�ll do it better the next time? Man, that sounds familiar. Someone has already done that and it seems to have worked for that person. Maybe it will for you, too. But if past conversations are any indication, your issue isn�t the same one as that quitter�s. If memory serves, your challenge is that you can�t make any non-smoking friends. Seems to be true � the only guy you find worth dating is a smoker. All his friends (and by default your only friends) are smokers, too. And the reason is that non-smokers don�t want to be around you, won�t like you. I�ve tiptoed around this in the past, trying to not be supportive, but no more. Here�s the truth as I see it. You are convinced non-smokers won�t like you because, deep down, you don�t want them to. Your junkie has never been fully under control. So you have never truly done what is necessary to befriend or open up to any. You say �they won�t like me� and go away. Finally, the loneliness gets too great and you turn to the only people you believe will put up with you - smokers. And, sure enough, you are right! Looky, you got a smoker boyfriend and all his smoking friends to boot. And now you�re crying out because your quit is threatened. Go figure! Sheeeee. So go ahead and relapse. Maybe it will work for you. Maybe you won�t really be happier as a smoker. Maybe you�ll see that it wasn�t the [u]grass[/u] that was greener, but the clothes the people around your bed are wearing; the doctors and nurses attending to your IVs and breathing tubes. Maybe, hopefully, you�ll eventually decide you want to quit permanently for you, instead of temporarily to satisfy some external need. Whatever you decide, I�ll support, Pam. If you choose to give up on yourself, I�ll give up on you, too. If you choose to fight, and I mean [u]really[/u] fight on [u]all[/u] fronts, I�ll be right at your side as I have been for other true warriors. Your decision. Shevie [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/23/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 539 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 10,792 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2048.2 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 100 [B]Hrs:[/B] 14 [B]Mins:[/B] 19 [B]Sec
penguin
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penguin
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18 years ago 0 1306 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
So Pam - How is it going? I'm still hanging on! No one has stepped on my toes yet. In fact, someone helped me get a leg up. Come on - bend down and help me up. Judy [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 11/12/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 0 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 0 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $0 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 0

  • Quit Meter

    $333,558.75

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    Days: 6162 Hours: 2

    Minutes: 10 Seconds: 32

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    45850

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penguin
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penguin
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18 years ago 0 1306 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I wasn't going to post today, I've been a closet smoker/quitter the last few weeks, but since you ruined my DAY 1 reward of an afternoon nap, (I was writing my post to you in my head), you were not going to get off so easy. Let's argue this Pam ( I know you like to argue). On this day we are two people, both on the edge of a cliff, side by side, one hanging on by their fingertips (that's me), and another about to jump off (that's you). Do you want to jump before I let go, or should I let go first. There is something in your post about commitment and love. What I hear is - it's not about smoking - but the demon is making it's argument in that form - to trick you. Sounds like your listening to far to many lies - maybe not just from the Nicodemon? This journey, for me, is not about getting the one year trophy - but I will certainly accept it. Then I will move on - without saying "I TOLD YOU SO!" Reread some responses people have given you when you have helped them. Maybe you will feel the love then. Give yourself a chance - love yourself first, then love another. It is afterall - your choice! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 11/12/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 0 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 0 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $0 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 0

  • Quit Meter

    $333,558.75

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 6162 Hours: 2

    Minutes: 10 Seconds: 32

    Life Gained

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    45850

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    687,750

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

duffis
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duffis
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18 years ago 0 832 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Well now ain't life full of surprises :gasp: Just when you think things are somewhat going ok up pops the devil :eg: So you want to be a smoker again Pam? Ok with me [center][IMG]http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c1/jrduffis/skull2.gif[/IMG][/center] Keep us posted Duffis [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/13/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 637 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 19,128 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1637.09 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 127 [B]Hrs:[/B] 12 [B]Mins:[/B] 35 [B]Seconds:[/B] 34

  • Quit Meter

    $286,562.50

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    Days: 6877 Hours: 12

    Minutes: 17 Seconds: 5

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    45850

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    1,146,250

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MissyFit
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MissyFit
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18 years ago 0 586 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hey girl :) I was wondering about you. I hope you were able to unwind enough to get a good nights sleep. Are you feeling any better today? Have you had any time to come up with a plan? Chin up... "This too shall pass" [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/2/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 649 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 12,992 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2316.93 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 68 [B]Hrs:[/B] 18 [B]Mins:[/B] 44 [B]Seconds:[/B] 45

  • Quit Meter

    $20,371.93

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    Days: 766 Hours: 1

    Minutes: 47 Seconds: 6

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    5237

    Smoke Free Days

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    104,740

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MissyFit
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MissyFit
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18 years ago 0 586 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
[quote] I guess the biggest problem I'm having is that it's been a year now. Why can't I just be over it? And yes, I know that these times happen, but every week?!?! Sometimes everyday?!?! [/quote] Yes. Pam, somewhere around 14 months, I noticed a big change from how I felt even at one year. It was like the last burden had been lifted. There's nothing magical about a year ... it just has a nice ring to it. You're just not at your moment yet. When my oldest was a little boy, I became literally exhausted with the efforts to get him potty trained. I'd read all the books... did everything I knew to do... and day in, day out, he'd still wet those britches. We didn't have those cute little disposable undies then. I bet I washed a ton of training pants. This went on for what felt like forever. I finally just gave up. I'd continue to ask if he wanted to potty but not push it. I mean, surely he'd be potty trained by the time he got a driver's license, right? One day, as I watched him from the window while he played... he walked to the edge of the woods. And right before my eyes... he had an epiphany! It was like Helen Keller at the well! He even aimed at every little leaf on the ground. At that very moment, it just clicked for him. What I'm trying to say is... the time does come. Nothing is forever. Don't try too hard and have patience. Go back to basics for just a couple of months. Give this thing a little more time...after all, you smoked for years. Change this dangerous course you're on. Just two months, Pam. Be sure you bookmark this thread so you can see the difference in how you feel because I guarantee, you'll feel differently. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/2/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 648 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 12,978 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2313.36 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 68 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 57 [B]Seconds:[/B] 12

  • Quit Meter

    $20,371.93

    Amount Saved

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    Days: 766 Hours: 1

    Minutes: 47 Seconds: 6

    Life Gained

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    5237

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    104,740

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

MissyFit
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MissyFit
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18 years ago 0 586 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
[quote] Because the longer I wrestle with this thought of going back to smoking, and then decide not to, the more I want to, but know that I won't. I'm afraid that I'm going to just keep on wanting to go back to smoking... [/quote] You're wrestling with "thoughts". Well, we know from early in our quits that those times will come, right? When we've been comfortable with our lives without smoking for a while, why is it we forget what to do? Pam, c'mon girl, this is one of those times in your life that you go back to the basics. Get pissed off at how this addiction is controlling you and dig in that dusty tool box. You need some major and very deliberate distractions... and completely remove yourself from smoking situations (at least until you get through this time). By deliberate distractions, I mean.. When those thoughts pop up, take a deep breath, get up and literally change your thinking. I don't care if you have to hum 99 bottles of beer on the wall 15 times while playing the air guitar and jumping up and down. Do it. (however, if you do, I must say that I'm so glad I don't live at your house) lol [quote] I JUST WANT TO NOT WANT TO SMOKE ANYMORE!!!!! [/quote] Pam, it happens. I'm there. Many of us are. You'll get there too. Remember... Acceptance (that this kind of thing happens)... Patience (to make it happen)... and Relaxation (you've been quit over a year and this is nothing like you felt in those early days). You're going to get through this. Lay out the ground rules again and put them into play. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/2/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 648 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 12,977 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2313.36 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 68 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 52 [B]Seconds:[/B] 29

  • Quit Meter

    $20,371.93

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 766 Hours: 1

    Minutes: 47 Seconds: 6

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    5237

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    104,740

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

MissyFit
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MissyFit
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18 years ago 0 586 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hmm... We fight day by day for so long to just feel normal again... to have a life where quitting is no longer the focus. When we finally get to the door, we get a little uncomfortable. After all, it's not exactly the normal we're accustomed to. Life really does get to where it's NOT about quitting all the time. It's just life without smoking. Ease into this final transition. I've said it before... "4 seasons and then some". Go ahead and use up the "and then some" part. That's what it's there for. I had a few issues arise around a year...but to let it actually threaten my quit? Holy cow, girl! Step into a cold shower and come back to your senses! lol And you don't have to end relationships, just change the rules of the smoking. I think if it came down to the wire... you know in your heart you wouldn't smoke. Unwind, relax and get through this funk :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/2/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 648 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 12,976 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2313.36 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 68 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 43 [B]Seconds:[/B] 38

  • Quit Meter

    $20,371.93

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 766 Hours: 1

    Minutes: 47 Seconds: 6

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    5237

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    104,740

    Cigarettes Not Smoked


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